Plot[]
In the 10th episode of Season 3, Gulliver Sloan, a parody of Oliver Stone, videotapes Pinky and the Brain in another failed attempt to take over the world. Brain appears on "Punchline" and is accused of conspiracy interference Gulliver Sloan says things like "What was the real reason for the Watergate break-in?", "What really happened on the grassy knoll?" and "Whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt?" Brain said if the media watching him, all of his 100 hours of hard work will be for not and he'll be exposed.
Brain, a.k.a. Harold Foster Brain, who has an idea to become ruler of the world, brings up a document called the "Pinky Protocol", later Brain says that he needs to get a signature from a former president of the United States of America, and Pinky says: "Isn't Millard Fillmore dead?"
While caught red-handed, a man named Big Jake saves them, but Brain and Pinky don't want to be saved. As Jake saves them anyway, the police chase him.
Big Jake keeps Pinky and Brain lock in his house and put tin-foiled hats on their heads. The news told everyone that the real Harold Foster Brain is Joyce DeWitt. Pinky and Brain lied to Jake, and took his hats back. Pinky says: "Poit. I'll miss him." Gulliver Sloan tries to tell everyone to arrest Brain, but the FBI Agent tells him to make a movie about Joyce DeWitt.
Cast[]
- Maurice LaMarche as Brain, Larry King
- Rob Paulsen as Pinky, Wacky World of Sports Announcer
- Tress MacNeille as Mary Hartless, Eleanor McLoudness, 50/50 News Anchor
- Frank Welker as Fred Floppel, The President
- Jeff Bennett as Christopher Walken, Gulliver Sloan, Adam Ansell, The McLoudness Group Reporter
- Townsend Coleman as Big Jake, FBI Agent
- Billy West as Anthony Hopkins
- Tress MacNeille & Billy West as News Reporters
Quotes[]
Opening[]
(first lines)
- Pinky: (to Brain) When is everybody gonna float away, Brain? (burps)
- Brain: (to Pinky) Never, Pinky, our plan's a failure. (burps)
- Pinky: (to Brain) Then we didn't coverate the water supplies? (burps again)
- Brain: (to Pinky) No, Pinky, I told you not to open that nossel while it was pointed toward us. (burps again)
- Pinky: (to Brain) Sorry, Brain. Poit! I always get toward and away from confused. (burps again)
- Brain: (spots a man named Gulliver Sloan, a parody of Oliver Stone, filming them, gasps, to Pinky) Pinky, look. Somebody's filming us.
- Pinky: Oh, goodie! Maybe, we'll be on Goof Ups of Practical Jokes! (burps again)
- Brain: Sometimes, I think my whole life was a practical joke. (burps so loudly he falls off) Aah! Oof!
Punchline/Brain's plan to become his rightful place as ruler or leader of the world[]
- Fred Floppel: A scratchy piece of surveillance footage triggers a bazaar new conspiracy theory from contraversetrial film director, Gulliver Sloan.
- (The "Punchline" title appears)
- Fred Floppel: Good evening. I'm Fred Floppel. Now, Mr. Sloan, let me understand this so that I'm not putting words in your mouth. You believe that 2 mice are doing what?
- Gulliver Sloan: I've uncovered the evidence. The 2 genetically altered laboratory mice are attempting to take over the world. And of course, doing my research for my new movie, I have film them on several accretions.
- (In ACME Labs, Pinky holds a yellow lollipop with a smiley face, Brain writes on paper with a pencil)
- Pinky: (laughing) Narf! Oh! (to Brain) Haven't you heard anything so ridiculous, Brain? Zort! A mouse trying to take over the world! (chuckles)
- Brain: (to Pinky) Yes, I have, Pinky. Why? Because he's talking about someone near and dear to both of us.
- Pinky: (gasps, to the lollipop) Mr. Lollipop, he's talking about you!
- Brain: (to Pinky, grabs his nose) No, Pinky! Think. (let's go of his nose) What do we do every night?
- Pinky: (to Brain) You mean, try to keep one eye open to see all the toys come alive in the stroking midnight when they think we were asleep and we're really not? Narf! I didn't know you did that too. (sings) Oh, the candy bears and the lollipops are having a single picnic! Hahaha!
- Brain: (grabs Mr. Lollipop and hits him on Pinky's head) We tried to take over the world!
- Pinky: Oh, right! Zort! Ha! Silly me, I forgot.
- Brain: Quiet, I want to hear what they're saying about me.
- Fred Floppel: Forget my scepticism. But what endurance can you give that this conspiracy theory of yours isn't just some papisiddy stunt of promoting your next movie?
- Gulliver Sloan: Consider this: What was the real reason for the Watergate break-in? Who tipped our visin hour about the military industrial complex? And whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt? I believe I've found The Brain behind all of this so-called coincidences!
- Brain: Proposterus! This conspiracy evens me to do nothing but a web of prudes into windows.
- Gulliver Sloan: Hey!
- Brain: (turns off the TV) What kinda idiot would fall for this drivel?
- Pinky: Hmm. I don't know, Brain, but, he does have point about Joyce DeWitt.
- Brain: I rest my case. And yet, with the media watching my every move, all of my 100 hours of hard work will be for not, and I'll be exposed!
- Pinky: Poit! You could wear a trench coat.
- Brain: The public gives way so easy by outrageous assertions as if something deep in their sykees compailes them to believe in these concluded conspiracies.
- Pinky: Oh! (to Mr. Lollipop) Too bad you have one of those concluded conspiracy thingys, Mr. Lollipop, then everyone would believe in you.
- Brain: (surprised) That's it! (to Pinky) Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
- Pinky: (to Brain) I think so, Brain, but, can the gummy worms really live in peace with the marshmallow chicks?
- Brain: (to Pinky) No, Pinky! I, The Brain, would create my own conspiracy theory, and I should fabricate my wild and improbable story, in order to convince the public that I'm the victim of a hidden plot, whose soul purpose is to convince me from taking my rightful place as ruler of the world!
- Pinky: Yay! Yipee! Narf! Mr. Lollipop is happy now!
- Brain: (to Pinky) Pinky, put Mr. Lollipop down and get me a glue stick.
- Pinky: Oh, we'll have to play with your friend, Mr. Glue Stick. Blah, blah, yucky, schmacky, ew!
The saddest story a fat man has ever heard/a document called "The Pinky Protocol"[]
- (In a house, a fat man, sitting on his chair, eats spam with a spoon)
- Fat Man: (crying) Well, that's the saddest story I've ever heard.
- Larry: (to Brain) Well, I must say, Mr. Brain, I find your story rather heard to swallow.
- Brain: (to Larry) Without my word, I have concrete proof of this heinous conspiracy. Just look for a document called "The Pinky Protocol".
- Gulliver Sloan: "The Pinky Protocol"? What's that?
- Brain: (looks left and right) They don't want you to know, but, it's a secret document which states... (the video of Brain statics)
- Larry: We've been cut off.
- Brain: There. Just enough information to tatilise a deseptable minds.
Reeling Brain up to the mall slot with a fishing rod/Caught red-handed/"Here it is, The Pinky Protocol!"[]
- (Outside the National Archives, Brain has bandages on his entire body, including his nose)
- Brain: Now, reel me up, Pinky. Slowly.
- Pinky: (reels Brain up with a fishing rod through the mall slot) Poit! Are you sure you don't wanna rest a bit?
- Brain: There's no time to rest, Pinky. Ooh! (hits his foot against the door) Now that we have this document signed, (hits his foot against the door again...) Ah! We must place it in the Natural Archives... (and again...) Doors! so that it could be discovered. (and again) Ow! (reaches the mall slot) Now, push open the mail slot and hoist me in.
- Pinky: 'Kay.
- Brain: (Screaming) Oof!
- Pinky: Hold on, Brain! (reels his fishing rod faster)
- Brain: Whoa! (hits the slot) Aaahh! (collapses on the floor) Ooh!
- Pinky: Poit! Are you all right, Brain?
- Brain: I'm fine, Pinky. (gets up)
- Pinky: Can I help you?
- Brain: No! Ah. (drags the Pinky Protocol document)
- Pinky: Are you sure?
- Brain: Yes!
- Pinky: Um, I could carry that, you know.
- Brain: Pinky, this document proclaims me the leader of the world. It's signed by a former president. Do you understand, Pinky? (panting)
- Pinky: Here, let me get for you, Brain.
- Brain: No! I've come to intrust this document to others, Pinky. Even to you! Especially to you!
- (Brain and Pinky approach an electric eye with red lasers across the door)
- Brain: I can taste it, Pinky. I am the ruler of the world! All I have to do is sneak past this electric eye. (trips over) Whoa!
- (red light alarms)
- Pinky: Can I get you a pillow, Brain?
- News Anchor: In a late breaking development, an attempted break-in has been foiled at the National Archives. We take you out live to the scene.
- (News Reporters, gathered on the stairs, hold microphones and cameras)
- News Reporters: Mr. Brain! Mr. Brain!
- Gulliver Sloan: (running with his own camera) Let me through! Look! It's him, The Brain! (points at him) We've finally caught you red-handed, didn't we?
- Brain: No, you've got it all wrong!
- (In his chair, the fat man wakes up and spots Brain on TV)
- Fat Man: I knew it! The government agents have got the little fella by the whiskers!
- Brain: This is all a big misunderstanding!
- Gulliver Sloan: Yeah? Then what are you doing here?
- Brain: Um. They were going to destroy the Pinky Protocol!
- News Reports: No!
- Brain: Yes! So, I, The Brain, have personally risked life and limb to brake into the National Archives and rescue it.
- Gulliver Sloan: And you expect us to believe that?
- Pinky: (nods) Mm-hmm.
- Brain: See? Here it is. The Pinky Protocol.
- News Reports: (cheering)
- Gulliver Sloan: Huh? Hey!
- Brain: (sighs) At last, our troubles are over.
The police chases Big Jake, in his truck[]
- Two Policemen: Whoa! Get back down!
- Everyone (except Gulliver Sloan, Pinky and Brain): Huh? What was that? Is that a man?
- Fat Man: (drives a pick-up truck and stops, to Brain) Don't 'cha worry, little guy! I'll save you from that big government fellas!
- Brain: (to the man) No! We don't need to be saved!
- Pinky and Brain: (Gasps)
- Fat Man: (grabs Pinky and Brain in his hand, and runs back to his truck) Well, Big Jake is going to save you anyway. (puts Pinky and Brain in his truck) Wither you like it or not!?
- (The fat man, Big Jake, drives off)
- Three Policemen: Aah! (gets outta the way for Big Jake's truck to pass)
- Everyone (except Gulliver Sloan): Oh, well. That's it for today. I'm not coming here again.
- Gulliver Sloan: (picks up the Pinky Protocol document, to the police) Hey! Aren't you going after him?
- (Two policemen glance at each other, then run off)
- (Three police cars chases after Big Jake's truck)
- Brain: (to Big Jake) What are you doing? Who are you? Are you mad?
- Big Jake: (to Pinky and Brain) You don't have to thank me. This is just like when the black helicopters took away Hasheemoo! Do you remember Hasheemoo?
- Pinky: (Shrugs at Brain)
- Big Jake: Of course not! They don't want you to remember! People thought he disappeared in Samontro with a big gerbil! Actually, he tried to borrowed the elegent man's skeleton!
- (Big Jake pulls the lever and pedal, and his truck speeds faster)
- Pinky and Brain: (hits window) Oof!
- (Two police cars blocked Big Jake's path, but he takes a shortcut)
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming)
- Big Jake: Mr. Whipple was not the tiny bulb man! I'm telling you, he was not the tiny bulb man!
- Pinky: Make it stop, Brain! Make it stop!
- Brain: This guy is one green maraschino cherry chiee of a fruit cake, Pinky. Let's get outta here. (opens door of Big Jake's truck)
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming, let's go of the door, and fall to the ground, they suddenly spot a police car heading straight for them. Its tire throws them to a sign reading: "Welcome to Virginia")
- Pinky: Narf! (spots something in the sky) I see an angel coming for us.
- Brain: (dizzy) I see clams. Big shirtless clams.
- Pinky: No, Brain. Really.
- (A bald eagle flies down, and grabs Pinky and Brain with its feet, and flies off. A helicopter hits it, the eagle drops Brain and Pinky)
- (Back in Big Jake's truck)
- Big Jake: And they these UFOs are just pie plates. Well, they aren't pie plates! Alien pie plates!
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming, and land back in the truck where they've started)
- Big Jake: And whatever happened to eat track tapes? It's a conspiracy, you know!?
- Brain: (groans)
Everyone gathered around Big Jake's house/Vibrating Chair/Tin-foiled hats/Brain talks to Jake[]
- (The people gathered around Big Jake's househouse)
- Angry Mob: Free Harold Foster Brain!
- FBI Agent: (through speaker) Police to Harold Foster Brain, come out with your hands up.
- Gulliver Sloan: (taps on his shoulder) Officer, you're blocking my shot.
- Big Jake: I'm not coming out! No way! We don't recognize the 40 of your illegally constituted government!
- FBI Agent: (offscreen, through his speaker) I promise. We will not turn you over to the aliens or Mr. Whipple.
- (Brain and Pinky sit in Big Jake's chair)
- Brain: Pinky, we're trapped by a mad man! Try not to panic.
- Pinky: 'Kay. (spots something) Poit! (gasps) Look, Brain! Magic fingers! (presses a button and the chair vibrates)
- Brain: (vibrating on the seat, then falls off) Aah! Oof!
- Big Jake: (to Pinky and Brain) Quick! Put on those tin-foiled hats, so they can't control your minds.
- (puts a tin-foiled hat on Brain's rear, and one on Pinky's head)
- Pinky: Ooh! Narf! Thank you!
- Brain: (to Big Jake) Perhaps we're approaching this in the wrong way, Mister ...uh... Big Jake. If I might go out and talk with the authorities.
- Big Jake: (to Brain) No, no, Your Leadership! The people need you! That's why I have to keep you locked in here! If you go out there, they'll get you, and you'll never be heard from again! Why do you think Elvis have to go into hide? And whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt!?
- Brain: (to Big Jake) But we can't stay here forever.
- Big Jake: (to Brain) Well, sure we can. You can rule from right here. We can print our own jacks!
- Brain: (offscreen, to Big Jake) But, what do we eat? We'll starve.
- Big Jake: (to Brain) I've got enough Spam to last through the term of the century.
- Brain: I've gone to heck.
The real Harold Foster Brain is Joyce DeWitt/Ending[]
- Man: Come on, everybody! Let's go to Joyce DeWitt's house!
- (The people run off, and Big Jake walks outside, holding Pinky and Brain by their tails)
- Big Jake: (to Pinky and Brain, angry) You lied to me! You're one of them! (kicks Pinky and Brain outta his house, and they land on the ground) And give me back my hats! (grabs the tin-foiled hats and slams the door)
- Pinky: Poit! I'll miss him.
- Brain: (to Pinky) Yes. It's not often you meet an electionel peer, is it, Pinky?
- Pinky: (shakes his head) Mm-mm.
- Gulliver Sloan: (to the people) What! Stop! Arrest him! He's the one!
- FBI Agent: It's all over, buddy. Move along.
- Gulliver Sloan: But, that's him, The Brain! The mouse who's trying to take over the world!
- FBI Agent: Sure, sure, sure. Why don't you go make a movie about Joyce DeWitt?
- Gulliver Sloan: Hmm.
- (Back at ACME Labs)
- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the new leader of the world: Joyce DeWitt!
- Everyone: (cheering)
- Joyce DeWitt: (waving)
- Brain: That should've been me up there, Pinky.
- Pinky (to Brain) Oh, try to look on the bright side, Brain. Zort! At least, Joyce DeWitt's back on TV.
- Brain: (to Pinky) Perhaps we don't have time to watch her. We must prepare for tomorrow night.
- (last lines)
- Pinky: (to Brain) Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?
- Brain: (to Pinky) The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world from Joyce DeWitt!
- Singers: They're dinky! They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
Opening Titles of "The Pinky Protocol"[]
Senior Producers[]
- Tom Ruegger
- Rusty Mills
Produced by[]
- Liz Holzman
- Charles M. Howell IV
Written by[]
- Rich Fogel
Directed by[]
- Kirk Tingblad
Characters[]
- The Brain
- Pinky
- Gulliver Sloan (first appearance)
- Fred Floppel
- Mr. Lollipop
- Mr. Glue Stick (first mentioned)
- Larry
- Big Jake (second appearance)
- Christopher W
- Anthony H
- Mary Hartless (cameo)
- Wacky World of Sports Announcer
- Gerald Ford
- News Anchor
- News Reporters
- Bald Eagle
- The McLoudness Group Anchors
- The President (cameo)
- Angry Mob
- FBI Agent
- 50/50 Anchor
- Adam Ansel
- Joyce DeWitt (mentioned, later cameo)
Transcript[]
- (Warner Bros. Family Entertainment logo)
- (theme song plays)
- Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?
- Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
- Singers: They're Pinky and The Brain! Yes, Pinky and The Brain! One is a genius, the other's insane! They're laboratory mice! Their genies have been spliced! They're dinky! They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain! Before each night is done, they're plan we be unfurled! By the dawning of the sun, they'll take over the world! They're Pinky and The Brain! Yes, Pinky and The Brain! Their twilight campaign is easy to explain! To prove their mousey worth, they'll overflow Earth! They're dinky! They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
- Pinky: Narf!
- (theme song ends)
Part 1[]
- (title: "The Pinky Protocol")
- (first lines)
- Pinky: When is everybody going to float away, Brain? (burps)
- Brain: Never, Pinky, our plan's a failure. (burps)
- Pinky: Then we didn't coverate the water supplies? (burps again)
- Brain: No, Pinky, I told you not to open the nossel while it was pointed toward us. (burps again)
- Pinky: Sorry, Brain. Poit! I always get toward and away from confused. (burps again)
- Brain: (gasps) Pinky, look. (a man named Gulliver Sloan, a parody of Oliver Stone) Somebody's filming us.
- Pinky: Oh, goodie! Maybe, we'll be on Goof Ups of Practical Jokes! (burps again)
- Brain: Sometimes I think my whole life was a practical joke. (he burps so loudly, he falls off a water tower) Aah! (lands on the ground) Oof!
- (the black and white footage shows Pinky and Brain on TV)
- Fred Floppel: A scratchy piece of surveillance footage triggers a bazaar new conspiracy theory from contraversetrial film director, Gulliver Sloan.
- (news title: "Punchline")
- Fred Floppel: Good evening. I'm Fred Floppel. Now, Mr. Sloan, let me understand this so that I'm not putting words in your mouth. You believe that 2 mice are doing what?
- Gulliver Sloan: I've uncovered the evidence. The 2 genetic altered laboratory mice are attempting to take over the world. And of course doing my research for my new movie, I've film them on several occasions.
- (at ACME Labs, Pinky holds a yellow lollipop with a black smiley face, and Brain writes on paper with a pencil)
- Pinky: (laughing) Narf! (laughing again) Haven't you anything so ridiculous, Brain? Zort! Ha! A mouse trying to take over the world! (chuckles)
- Brain: Yes, I have, Pinky. Because he's talking about someone near and dear to both of us.
- Pinky: (gasps) Mr. Lollipop, he's talking about you.
- Brain: (grabs Pinky's nose) No, Pinky. Think. (lets go of his nose) What do we do every night?
- Pinky: You mean, try to keep one eye open to see all of the toys come alive in the stroking midnight, when they think we were asleep and we're really not? Narf! I didn't know you did that too. (sings) Oh, the candy bears and the lollipops are having a single picnic! Hahahaha!
- Brain: (grabs Mr. Lollipop and hits him on Pinky's head, angry) We tried to take over the world!
- Pinky: Oh, right! Zort! Ha! Silly me, I forgot.
- Brain: Quiet. I want to hear they're saying their saying about me.
- Fred Floppel: Forget my scepticism. But, what insurance can you give that this conspiracy theory of yours isn't just some babillsiddy stunt for promoting your movie?
- Gulliver Sloan: Consider this. What was the real reason for the Watergate break-in? Who tipped our visin hour about the military industrial complex? And whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt? I believe I've found The Brain behind all of those so-called coincidences.
- Brain: Proposterus! This conspiracy evening is nothing, but a web of half providers and windows.
- Gulliver Sloan: (on TV) Hey!
- Brain: (turns off the TV) What kind of idiot would fall for this drivel?
- Pinky: Hmm. I don't know, Brain, but he does have a point about Joyce DeWitt.
- Brain: I rest my case. (steps off the remote) And yet, with the media watching my every move, all of my 100 hours of hard work will be for not, and I'll be exposed!
- Pinky: Poit! You could wear a trench coat.
- Brain: The public gives way so easy by outrageous assurance. As if something deep in their pysches compailes them to believe in the convoluted conspiracies.
- Pinky: Oh! Too bad you don't have one of those convoluted conspiracy thingys, Mr. Lollipop, then everyone would believe in you.
- Brain: (surprised) That's it! Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
- Pinky: I think so, Brain, but can the gummy worms really live in peace with the marshmallow chicks?
- Brain: No, Pinky! I, The Brain, would create my own conspiracy theory. I should fabricate a wild and improbable story in order to convince the public that I'm the victim of hidden plot, whose sold purpose is to convince me from taking my right place as ruler of the world!
- Pinky: Yay! Yipee! Narf! Mr. Lollipop is happy now!
- Brain: Pinky, put Mr. Lollipop down and get me a glue stick.
- Pinky: Oh, we always have to play with your friend, Mr. Glue Stick. Blah, blah, yuckity, schmuckity!
- Larry: Our subject tonight is conspiracy. Who behind 'em and profits of 'em?
- Gulliver Sloan: Larry, it's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside a burrito. What really happened on the Grassy Noel? Who was responsible for collige enster leashersuits? And why were their 2 darings on Bewitched? Why have we never had this satisfactory information? Why?
- Larry : I don't know. Why?
- Gulliver Sloan: Why? I'll tell you why. Because we've never gone into the big cheese and nacho, and The Brain behind this conspiracy. That's why.
- Larry: Which brings us to our second guest.
- Brain: (appears on screen)
- Gulliver Sloan: (spots him, gasps) It's him! The Brain!
- Brain: Yes. I am The Brain.
- Larry: Are you behind all of those conspiracies to take over the world as Mr. Sloan suggested?
- Brain: No, Larry. Although, I do hope someday to take over the world, but I'm in fact the victim of the hidden conspiracy.
- Larry: How's that?
- Brain: Here, let me show you. Pinky, role the tape.
- Pinky: Right away, Brain. Troz!
- Brain: (telling the story) The conspiracy started in 1968. After a mouse went over and took over Florida, a group of government officials secretly got together, and swear that they never let another mouse have that much power again.
- Government Official: (puts down a mouse trap)
- Brain: (continues) That time, I was a rising civilization named Harold Foster Brain. My tiredless efforts to solve world hunger by developing edible mug pies for starving orphans had been noticed by my supporters. I was well-light, that they were dark forces aligned against me. The real goal of the Watergate break-in was to steal my piece core records. Because of this feminism conspiracy, I was forced out of the Public Service, and had been reduced to earn my living as a lab mouse.
- Fat Man: (sitting down on a chair, sniffles) Well, that's the saddest story I've ever heard. (eats Spam with a fork)
- Larry: I must say, Mr. Brain. I find your story rather hard to swallow.
- Brain: Without my word, I've concrete proof of this heinous conspiracy. Just look for a document called: The Pinky Protocol.
- Gulliver Sloan: The Pinky Protocol? What's that?
- Brain: (looks left and right) They don't you to know, but it's a secret government document which states... (his video statics)
- Larry: We've been cut off.
- Brain: There. Just enough information to tatilise the susceptible minds.
- Larry: (on TV) Conspired or a folk hero? Let's find out more, but first, this message.
- (To be continued...)
Part 2[]
- (Previously on Pinky and The Brain...)
- (recap)
- Brain: (spots Gulliver Sloan) Somebody's filming us.
- Gulliver Sloan: 2 genetic altered laboratory mice are attempting to take over the world.
- Brain: With the media watching my every move, all of my 100 hours of hard work will be for not, and I'll be exposed!
- Pinky: Poit! You could wear a trench coat.
- Fat Man: Well, that's the saddest story I've ever heard.
- Brain: Just look for a document called: The Pinky Protocol.
- (end of recap)
- (knocking on door)
- Anthony H: (imitating Brain) Come in, Pinky.
- (door opens)
- Christopher W: (imitating Pinky) We've came so close this time. What have we go wrong, Brain? Tonight's plan was fun, fun, silly-willy.
- Anthony H: Oh. Perhaps, we must burn our failure... (throws file into the fire) and get ready for tomorrow night.
- Christopher W: Narf! What are we gonna do tomorrow night?
- Anthony H: The same thing we do every night, my friend. Try to take over the world. Pray with me, Pinky.
- Mary Hartless: And that was a clip from Hollywood director, Gulliver Sloan's new movie about The Brain titled: A Really, Really True Conspiracy This Time, Really.
- Fat Man: Oh. Why wouldn't they leave that poor Brain fella alone? (eats Spam with a fork)
- Mary Hartless: But, as this hot new film prepares for summer release, condraverstrey is growing about the real Harold Foster Brain, and people are asking: "What is the Pinky Protocol?"
- Brain: (writes on paper with a pen) See, Pinky? The plan is working perfectly. Everyone is trying for the discovery of this document, a secret executive order that will allow me to become acting leader of the world. All it needs is the signature of a former president of the United States. (points at the signature)
- Pinky: Oh! Yipee! Narf! Wait. Isn't Milland Fillmore dead?
- Brain: Yes, Pinky, but they're other former presidents.
- Pinky: Oh. Where do you get one of those?
- Brain: At a golf course, of course. Come, we should dress as eager young caddies. Nothing could be easier.
- (sports title: "Wacky World of Sports")
- Announcer: Welcome to the Wacky World of Sports! Yes, the terrium of the fair way. Former president, Gerald Ford, must have it again.
- Gerald Ford: (hits his golf ball with his golf club)
- (the ball ricochets off a tree, and hits Brain's head)
- Announcer: Hey! Who says golf isn't a contact sport, huh? But practice makes perfect.
- (the ball hits Brain's head again)
- Announcer: Or does it?
- Brain: (stumbles dizzily)
- (the ball hits Brain's mouth, bouncing him with it)
- Announcer: Oh, that's gonna hurt!
- (Brain and the ball lands in a ball holder)
- Gerald Ford: (aims his golf club in front of Brain)
- Announcer: Uh-oh!
- Gerald Ford: (hits his golf club)
- Announcer: Whoops!
- (Brain and the ball splashes in a pond)
- Announcer: Splash!
- Brain: (crawls out of the water)
- Announcer: Hey, this caddy's all wet!
- (the ball hits him again)
- Announcer: Ouch!
- Brain: (collapses)
- (Gerald Ford's golf cart backs up, causing its tire to squish on him)
- Announcer: Scrunch! Boy, is my face red?
- Gerald Ford: (gapes, climbs off his cart)
- Brain: (frees himself from the tire, then Gerald Ford's golf shoe with spikes underneath the soul squishes him)
- Announcer: That's a hole in 1.
- Gerald Ford: (spots Brain on his shoe, and takes him off)
- Announcer: In one of the caddies, there is. But, the former president was a good sport.
- Gerald Ford: (accidentally threw his golf club)
- Announcer: He threw in a free golf club.
- Brain: (spots Gerald Ford's golf club, it lands on him)
- Announcer: And an autograph.
- Gerald Ford: (writes his name on The Pinky Protocol document)
- Brain: (smiles)
- (at the entrance doors of the National Archives, Brain, who is all bandage around his body, nose and arm, looks up at Pinky through the mall slot)
- Brain: Now, reel me up, Pinky. Slowly.
- Pinky: (reels Brain up with a fishing rod) Poit! Are you sure you don't want to rest a bit?
- Brain: There's no time to rest, Pinky. (hits his bandage foot on the door) Ooh! Now that we have the document signed, (hits his foot on the door again...) Ah! ...we must place it in the National Archives... (and again...) Doors! ...so that it could be discovered. (and again) Ow! (he reaches the mall slot) Now, push open the mall slot and hoist me in.
- Pinky: 'Kay. (pushes the mall slot up, and accidentally lets go of the reel dropping Brain)
- Brain: (screaming) Oof! (collapses on the entrance)
- Pinky: (still holds his fishing rod) Hold on, Brain! (reeling his rod so quickly, grunting)
- Brain: (gets himself up, before lifted back to mall slot) Whoa! (hits it) Aah! (collapses on the floor) Oof!
- Pinky: Poit! Are you alright, Brain?
- Brain: I'm fine, Pinky. (grunting, pushes himself up)
- Pinky: Can I help you?
- Brain: No. (drags the Pinky Protocol document) Ah!
- Pinky: Are you sure?
- Brain: Yes. (grunts)
- Pinky: I could carry that, you know?
- Brain: Pinky, this document proclaims me the leader of the world. It's signed by a former president. Do you understand? (panting)
- Pinky: Here. Let me get that for you, Brain.
- Brain: No! I've come to far to intrust this document to others, Pinky. Even to you. Especially to you.
- (Pinky and Brain approach a security system with red lasers)
- Brain: I can taste it, Pinky. I am the ruler of the world. All I have to do is sneak past this electric eye. (clumsily trips over) Whoa!
- (alarm blares)
- Pinky: Can I get you a pillow, Brain?
- (text: "Special Report")
- News Anchor: In a late breaking development, an attempted break-in has been foiled at the National Archives. We take you out live to the scene.
- News Reporters: (gathered at the entrance with microphones and cameras)
- (the doors open)
- Government Agents: (lead Pinky and Brain out)
- News Reporters: Mr. Brain! Mr. Brain!
- Gulliver Sloan: (running with his own camera) Coming through! Look! It's him! The Brain! We've finally caught you red-handed, didn't we?
- Brain: No, you've got it all wrong!
- Fat Man: (sleeps, then wakes up, spotting Brain and Pinky on TV) I knew it! The government agents have gotten the little fella by the whiskers!
- Brain: This is all a big misunderstanding!
- Gulliver Sloan: Yeah? Then what are you doing here?
- Brain: Uh, they were going to destroy the Pinky Protocol!
- News Reporters: No!
- Brain: Yes. So, I, The Brain, have personally risked life and limb to break into the National Archives and rescue it.
- Gulliver Sloan: And you expect us to believe that?
- Pinky: (nods) Mm-hmm.
- Brain: See? Here it is, the Pinky Protocol.
- News Reporters: (cheering)
- Gulliver Sloan: Huh? Hey!
- Pinky: (claps)
- Brain: (sighs) At last, our troubles are over.
- Fat Man: (drives a pick-up truck)
- Policemen: Whoa! Get down!
- News Reporters: Huh? What was that? Is that a man?
- Fat Man: (skids his truck to a stop, gets out) Don't 'cha worry, little guy, I'll save you from the big government fellas!
- Brain: No! We don't need to be saved!
- Pinky and Brain: (gasps as the fat man grabs them)
- (The Pinky Protocol document unfurles)
- Fat Man: (runs back to his truck) Well, Big Jake's a-gonna save you anyway, (puts Pinky and Brain in his truck) whether you like or not!
- (The fat man, Big Jake, drives off)
- Policemen: Aah! (gets out of the way)
- News Reporters: Well, that stinks! That's it for today! I'm not coming here again!
- Gulliver Sloan: (picks up the document) Hey. Aren't you going after him?
- (two policemen glance at each other, before running off)
- (as Big Jake's truck drives down the street, three police cars chase it)
- Brain: What are you doing? Who are you? Are you mad?
- Big Jake: You don't have to thank me. This is just like when the black helicopters took away Heshimu! Y'all remember Heshimu?
- Pinky: (shrugs)
- Big Jake: Of course not! They don't want you to remember! People thought he disappeared in Sumatra with a big gerbil! Actually, he tried to burrow the elephant man's skeleton! (pulls the lever and press the gas petal with his foot)
- (his truck speeds fast away from the police cars)
- Pinky and Brain: (hits the window) Oof!
- (two police cars block Big Jake's path, but he takes a shortcut)
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming)
- Big Jake: Mr. Whipple was not the Tidy-Bowl man! I'm telling you, he was not the Tidy-Bowl man!
- Pinky: Make it stop, Brain! Make it stop!
- Brain: This guy is one green maraschino cherry shy of a fruit cake, Pinky. Let's get outta here. (reaches for the door handle)
- (the door opens as the truck goes to the grass)
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming, holding on the door, let go, and bounce on the ground, they spot a police car heading straight for them, and its tire throws them to the sign reading: "Welcome to Virginia")
- Pinky: (spots something in the sky) Narf! I see an angel coming for us.
- Brain: (dizzily) I see clams. Big, shirtless clams.
- Pinky: No, Brain, really.
- (a bald eagle flies down, and grabs Pinky and Brain with its feet)
- (a helicopter hits the eagle, who drops Pinky and Brain)
- Pinky and Brain: (screams)
- (back at Big Jake's truck)
- Big Jake: And they these UFOs are just pie plates. Well, they are pie plates! Alien pie plates!
- Pinky and Brain: (fall back into the truck where they've started)
- Big Jake: And whatever happened to 8-track tapes? It's a conspiracy, you know!?
- Brain: (weakly) Uh-huh.
- (Big Jake's truck drives out of sight)
- (To be continued...)
Part 3[]
- (Previously on Pinky and The Brain...)
- (recap)
- Brain: The plan is working perfectly.
- Gerald Ford: (writes his name on The Pinky Protocol document)
- Brain: I can taste it, Pinky. I am the ruler of the world! All I have to do is sneak past this electric eye. (clumsily trips over) Whoa!
- (alarm blares)
- Gulliver Sloan: We've finally caught you red-handed, didn't we?
- Brain: No, you've got it all wrong!
- Big Jake: I'll save you from the big government fellas! Whether you like it or not!
- (Big Jake's trucks drives out of sight)
- (end of recap)
- (news title: "The McLoudness Group")
- Announcer: And now, The McLoudness Group.
- (The McLoudness people gather around)
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: Vision 1: The Pinky Protocol. Today, the contents of the secret document will be revealed.
- (A picture shows the Pinky Protocol document)
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: It states that the President ever does to descrace the office, such as going on in public in his underwear, he'll be thrown of the office. And Harold Foster Brain will be appointed leader in his place.
- (cut to a fast food restaurant)
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: In a related development, we uptake this footage of the President at a popular fast food restaurant. The President had this to say.
- The President: (eats fries, spots us) Hmm? Hey, I just going out for my morning jog.
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: Question: Was the President in his underwear?
- Man: I say it looks like underwear, and it smells like underwear. It is underwear.
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: The protocol isn't clear of this point, and the President must go. Eleanor, reaction.
- Eleanor: This is so paliditcal poppy cog, we can't adjust the leader that no one elected.
- Man: No one elected Gerald Ford.
- Eleanor: That's true.
- The McLoudness Group Anchor: Exit question: Where is Harold Foster Brain now?
- (an angry mob hold signs reading: "Free Harold Foster Brain!", "Put a Brain in Charge!" and "We Want Brain!")
- Angry Mob: Free Harold Foster Brain! Free Harold Foster Brain!
- (the two police cars from last night stop outside Big Jake's house)
- (one of the police cars stops, an FBI agent steps out)
- FBI Agent: (through megaphone) Police to Harold Foster Brain, come out with your hands up. (Gulliver Sloan taps his shoulder) Hmm?
- Gulliver Sloan: Officer, you blocking my shot!
- Big Jake: I'm not coming out! No way! We don't recognize the 40 of your illegally constituted government!
- FBI Agent: (through megaphone, offscreen) I promise. We will not turn you over the aliens or Mr. Whipple.
- (Pinky and Brain sit in Big Jake's chair)
- Brain: Pinky, we're trapped by a mad man! Try not to panic.
- Pinky: 'Kay. (spots something on the chair) Poit! (gasps) Look, Brain, magic fingers! (presses a button, the chair vibrates)
- Brain: (bouncing on the vibrating chair) Whoa! (falls off) Ah! Oof!
- Big Jake: Quick! Both of you! Put on tin-foiled hats so they can't control your minds. (puts one hat on Brain's rear and another on Pinky's head)
- Pinky: Ooh! (looks at his hat) Narf! Thank you!
- Brain: Perhaps we're approaching this in the wrong way, Mr., uh, Big Jake. If I might go out and talk with the authorities.
- Big Jake: No, Your Leadership, the people need you! That's why I have to keep you locked in here! If you go out there, they'll get you, and you'll be heard from again! Why do you think Elvis had to go to hiding? And whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt!?
- Brain: But, we can't stay here forever.
- Big Jake: Sure we can. You can rule from right here. We can print our own jacks.
- Brain: But, what do we eat? We'll starve.
- Big Jake: I've got enough Spam to last through the term of the century.
- Brain: I've gone to heck.
- 50/50 Anchor: As the standoff enters its 127th day, America ask: "Who is the real Harold Foster Brain?"
- Big Jake: Do you want to my demanded festive, Your Leadership?
- Brain: Not again, Jake.
- Big Jake: More spam eggnog?
- Brain: Ew! No thanks.
- Pinky: Yes please!
- 50/50 Anchor: Here with disturbing new information is photo expert, Adam Ansell.
- Adam Ansell: A close examination of these photos reveals that some of them had been altered. Using the latest digital technology, I've been to determine that the real Harold Foster Brain is Joyce DeWitt.
- Big Jake: Joyce DeWitt?
- Everyone: Huh?
- Man: Come on, everybody, let's go to Joyce DeWitt's house!
- (the people run off)
- Big Jake: (steps out of his house, holding Pinky and Brain by their tails, angry) You lied to me! You're one of them! (kicks Pinky and Brain away)
- Pinky and Brain: (screaming, fall to the ground, dizzily)
- Big Jake: (offscreen) And give me back my hats! (takes the hats away from Pinky and Brain, then slams the door)
- Pinky: (sadly) Poit! I'll miss him.
- Brain: Yes, it's not often you meet an electionel up here. Is it, Pinky?
- Pinky: (shakes his head in disagreement) Mm-mm.
- (the people walk off)
- Gulliver Sloan: Wait! Stop! (points at Brain) Arrest him! He's the one!
- FBI Agent: (grabs Sloan by his arm) It's all over, buddy. Move along.
- Gulliver Sloan: But, that's him! The Brain! The mouse who's trying to take over the world!
- FBI Agent: Sure, sure, sure. Why don't you go make a movie about Joyce DeWitt? (walks off)
- Gulliver Sloan: Hmm.
- (Back at ACME Labs)
- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the new leader of the world: Joyce DeWitt!
- Crowd: (cheering) I love you, Joyce DeWitt!
- Brain: That should've been me up there, Pinky.
- Pinky: Try to look on the bright side, Brain. Zort! At least, Joyce DeWitt's back on TV.
- Brain: Perhaps, we don't have time to watch her. We must prepare for tomorrow night.
- (last lines)
- Pinky: Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?
- Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world from Joyce DeWitt.
- Singers: They're dinky! They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
- (End)
- (Credits)
Trivia[]
- This is the first appearance of Gulliver Sloan and Big Jake.