Pinky: Ooh. Uhh. Eee. Narf. [Panting] Ooh! Ohoh, Brain. I thought I was having a nightmare. But it's just you working out in a purple tank top. Brain in a tank top! Aaah!
The Brain: Thank you for that shriek of encouragement, Pinky.
Pinky: You're welcome. Poit!
The Brain: I'm trying to slow the aging process. Do you know what today is?
Pinky: Um the day we Spackle the cracks in my Brain with Spam?
The Brain: That would be a waste of good Spam. No. Today is the day that marks my arrival into this world.
Pinky: Brain! It's your birthday? Oooh, you're one-- um what comes after one, Brain?
The Brain: Two Pinky. I'm 2 years old today.
Pinky: Narf. Starting to get that middle-age, flabby, saggy, baggy, wiggly-jiggly, paunchy thingy, eh, Brain? Uh, ha ha ha ha.
The Brain: Well, what a jolly, fun summation of my corporeal decay. Look at this! A raisin! I found it this morning hiding under one of my jowls. It's probably been there for months.
Pinky: Um are you going to eat that?
The Brain: No, I'm on a diet. Here. My whole face is bulging and drooping. How does this make me look?
Pinky: Lovely, Brain! Zort. Sort of nouveau hello kitty.
The Brain: That tears it, Pinky. We'll hear nothing more about birthdays.
Pinky: Poit. Does that mean no presents, Brain?
The Brain: Yes. I still haven't found a use for this half a button you gave me last year.
Pinky: Oooooh. Oh, it's such a pretty, shiny button, Brain. Don't you like it?
The Brain: I appreciate the thought, Pinky. But the only thing I want in the world is the world!
Pinky: Egad. I don't know where to get that, Brain. Besides, how would I wrap it up?
The Brain: Then let me finish suffering through my workout in peace.
Pinky: Hmm. What'll I do for the rest of the day?
The Brain: I don't care, Pinky. Just surprise me and stay out of trouble.
Pinky: Surprise you? Oh, that's brilliant, Brain! Troz! Um, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
The Brain: What did you say, Pinky?
Pinky: Oh, nothing, Brain. Ha ha ha ha.
The Brain: Now I'm starting to hear things, too.
Pinky: "Where: chunky cheezey. " Zort! Oh, Brain will like that. Ooooh, I've never thrown a surprise party before. I've never thrown anything except food pellets. And where will I find happy party hats? Hmmm.
The Brain: Ahem.
The Brain: Unh.
Pinky: Sorry, Brain. There was Aum fly on your head. Unh.
The Brain: Sorry, Pinky. There was a, um stupid look on your face. What are you doing at my chalkboard?
Pinky: Uh, uh I was, um, tracing my hand, Brain. Yeah, you know, drawing, um, um, hands. Zort. Ha ha ha. Um, by the way, Brain, what is your hat size?
The Brain: Pinky, if you're going to act sillier than usual, which in itself is a feat, do it quietly. I'm going to meditate.
Pinky: Rightio, Brain. Poit! Now to invite all the world leaders. Let's see-- the national inquisitor.
Woman: Hello? All-night party? Toast our Brain? Is this roger? Forget it, buster.
Pinky: Oh, well, his loss. Narf! Now, who's next? "Yassir Arafat.
Pinky: There's going to be plastic balls and chocolate cake--
Pinky: Oh, too bad. Ok. Bye, Mr. Sonny bono. Oh, dear. Nobody can come to Brain's party. Narf! I'm a failure.
How come I never get any important messages? Party at chunky cheezey tonight? I'm there.
He's going to a party tonight? Well, if he's going, I'm going.
Chunky cheezey? Whoa, anywhere food goes, Boris goes.
The Brain: What do you think, Pinky? Does this make me look younger?
Pinky: Hmm? Turn this way. You know, actually, Brain, it makes you look a little like Richard Simmons. Troz!
The Brain: That's it! I'm canceling my membership in the hair club for mice. [Knock on door] Now what? Who is it? Oof! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! "Mr. Pinky, Mr. Pinky, Mr. Pinky, Mr. Pinky." These are all for Mr. Pinky.
Pinky: Oh, that would be me. I mean, I'm Mr. Pinky. Zort! I mean, you know, it's probably just junk mail, Brain. Narf! I'll get rid of it right away.
The Brain: Bwaaah!
Pinky: Ha ha ha ha. Oh, joy. What lovely luck. Troz! These heads of state are coming to Brain's party, after all. I do hope they bring their bodies of state.
[Knock on door]
The Brain: Pinky? Pinky! I know you're in there. I demand to know what's going on.
Pinky: Um just having a little chat with the cleaning products. Poit. Be out in a jiff, Brain. Brain? Hmm "who:" world leaders.
The Brain: "World leaders. Chunky cheezey? Tonight? My best friend is out to betray me. Pinky taking over the world? Without me? Et tu, pinkus?
The Brain: How could this happen? My only friend about to betray me. Just when you think you know someone, he tries to take over the world right under your nose! Ha! Over my rapidly improving, still nubile body. If Pinky thinks he can steal my destiny, he's wrong.
Pinky: Here, Brain. When you're done talking to yourself, why don't you meet me at this address at 7 P.M. Don't come before 7:00 or you'll spoil the plan. Poit! Ha ha ha.
The Brain: Oh, I won't show up before 7:00. But a certain Mr. Richard Simmons will.
Crowd: bubba! Bubba! Bubba! [Cheering]
Top that, Boris. [Belches]
Boris Yeltsin: not now, billy-boy bubba. I'm too busy doing my wacky dance.
Pinky: Oh, you world leaders are so much fun. Zort! I can't wait for another game of pin the maple leaf on Brian mulrooney. Ha ha ha.
Pinky: Now everybody Boris? Thank you. If I could just have your attention for a moment, please. I'd like to tell you about my friend, the Brain.
The Brain: He has them in the palm of his hand. What Machiavellian self-Promotion could he be feeding them?
Pinky: Then he found a raisin under his jowl. And he gave it to me! [Sobbing]
Pinky: And that is my selfless, smart, pudgy friend, the Brain. And it would mean so much to him if today, on his birthday, you would hand over your countries to him. Narf! As a gift. Like it says on my refrigerator, "love is dot dot dot."
Hmm. I do not know.
A country's kind of an important thing, eh?
Pinky: Oooh, but he's really, really smart. I think of all he can do for the world. Think of the children. Think of the puppies. Think of sally struthers.
He sounds like the cream of the borscht. Counting me in.
I say here are the keys to my country. Your Brain fellow sounds like a jolly good chap.
Yeah, and besides, that pizza was tasty.
[Murmuring in agreement]
Pinky: Poit! Brain will be so grateful.
The Brain: Aha.
Pinky: Everyone, meet Brain.
Looks more like Richard Simmons to me.
The Brain: Have you people lost your minds? You fools! Can't any of you multinational dolts see that this so-called Mr. Pinky is pulling a fast one on you? He's a devious traitor. He's been plotting behind my back, planning this whole--
Pinky: birthday party?
The Brain: Birthday party. Yes. Birthday party?
Pinky: Oh, yes, Brain. And your gift is the world. Surprise! Narf.
The Brain: Pinky, you did all this for me? And now the world is mine?
This is not puppy-loving genius you tell us about!
I'll jolly well not turn my country over to Richard Simmons.
The Brain: I'm not Richard Simmons. I'm the Brain.
You are too Richard Simmons. Hey, I knew all along that thing was a wig.
The Brain: I'm an idiot.
Pinky: Ha ha ha ha. So am I. Troz! Want some cake?
The Brain: I don't deserve a friend like you, Pinky.
Pinky: Ha ha ha ha. Narf! What do you want to do for your birthday next year, Brain?
The Brain: Same thing I do every birthday, Pinky. Try to take over the world!
Chorus: they're Pinky they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain